Not Unlike The Cheese
by PeteM
Summary: Xander talks to Oz about Willow.


  
TITLE: Not Unlike The Cheese  
AUTHOR: Peter Meilinger  
SUMMARY: Xander talks to Oz about Willow.  
TIMELINE: Second season, right after Phases.  
SPOILERS: Phases.  
RATING: PG  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, and I'm not trying to profit from this story.  
DEDICATION: To mighty gazelles everywhere! Also to Ernestine for coming up with the title. I hate titles. Ernestine's pretty darn mighty her own self, so she fits right in with the gazelles  
  
****  
  
So I'm walking to my van and I'm thinking about Willow. Good thing I'm not chewing gum, 'cause I'd never be able to pull off all three at once. I'm pretty sure thinking about Willow is going to be a full time job from now on. I can't believe she'd still. I really can't believe she kissed me. I've done the smooch thing before, but not like that. It wasn't hot, or wet, or tongue-y, just perfect. Just Willow. And now I have to concentrate real hard on something other than hot, wet and tongue-y with Willow, 'cause if I get started on that I'm pretty sure I'll just spontaneously combust right here in the parking lot. 'What was the cause of death?' they'll ask. 'Thoughts of Willow kissage. Poor guy never had a chance.' But hey, what a way to go, right? It's only the fact that I might actually get to kiss her again for real if I keep myself un-exploded long enough that lets me think about something else.   
  
Something like the fact that Xander is leaning against the hood of my van. Huh. I slow down to get a look at him before he sees me. He looks nervous. Scared, almost. His lips are moving and I figure he's rehearsing what he's going to say to me. Normally a speech from Xander would be the last thing I'd want to hear, but he's Willow's best friend, and I know he's worried about her dating a werewolf. Hey, I'm worried about her dating a werewolf. And besides, Willow's kiss has me in an ultra-mellow mood, so I figure I might as well humor the guy.  
  
He's concentrating so hard that he doesn't even notice me as I walk up. Might as well make my presence known. I lean against the hood next to him and ask the question I'm not entirely sure I want to hear the answer to. "So is this the part where you tell me you're gonna kick my ass if I do anything to her?"  
  
"GAH!" I swear he jumps five feet straight up. Observant he's not, but he's got good reflexes. I guess you have to in this line of work. Which is another wrinkle I don't care to think about right now. He glares at me when he gets himself under control, but his face breaks into a smile as he realizes what I just said.  
  
He laughs a bit and shakes his head as he answers. "Nah, I was going to but I figure Willow would kill me. I'm not sure what I want to say, actually."  
  
"But you figure you have to say something?" I'm not being sarcastic, just making conversation.  
  
"Yeah. You know how it is."  
  
I do know, but he doesn't need to know that. "Does Willow know you're doing this?"  
  
He looks at me like I'm an idiot, which I guess is all the answer I need. "Do you see her beating me to death with her shoe?" I smile and shake my head no. "Then she doesn't know I'm doing this."  
  
"I dunno, man. I think you could take her." I think no such thing, but I want to leave him some pride here.  
  
I guess he's smarter than that though, because he just laughs again. "Not a chance. She's small, but quick. And wiry. Wiry like the mighty gazelle." Mighty gazelle? Leave it, he's rolling. "Besides, Buffy would be happy to hold me down for her."  
  
We both pause to consider that image for a second, then shake our heads to come back to reality. I figure it's time to get back on course. "So you don't know what you want to say?"  
  
He shakes his head again. "Not a clue. I know what I need to tell you, but not how to say it." He looks at me out of the corner of his eye like he doesn't really want me to hear what comes next. "I'm really scared I'm going to screw this up."  
  
Now I'm lost. "Screw what up? Do you think I'm the wrong guy for her or what?" I could deal with that. The man's entitled to an opinion, but Willow's is the only opinion I care about on this.  
  
He snorts. "No, that's not it. I mean, yeah, no guy will ever be good enough for her. The pope wouldn't be good enough for her."  
  
I have to smile at that. "Assuming they let him date, you mean?"  
  
He nods. "Yeah. He's got all those years of celibacy to work off, y'know? No way is he getting close to my Willow." He sighs and shakes his head a bit. "But no, it's not that you're not good enough. You come pretty damn close as far as I can tell. Nobody has anything bad to say about you, and you took a bullet for her, that's gotta count for something."  
  
"'Nobody has anything bad to say?' You asked around about me?" I don't think I'm mad. I haven't decided yet. More amused, I think. Yeah, let's go with amused.  
  
He looks at me like I'm an idiot again. Maybe I am, it would explain a lot. "Of course I asked about you. This is Willow we're talking about." Like that explains it all. I guess it does.  
  
"I understand that she's your friend, but..."  
  
He cuts me off. "She's not my friend. She's my Willow."  
  
I can't do anything but stare at him, but I guess I get my point across.  
  
He sighs. "I know how that sounds, but it's not what I meant. I don't know if I can explain this, but let me try." But he doesn't say anything for a minute or two. I'm about to ask when he starts talking again. He's facing me, but he's not seeing me. I'm not sure what he's seeing, but I can guess. "There are two kinds of people in this world. You've heard people say that all the time, right? Either as a joke or to get a stupid point across, whatever. Well, for me it's true. Two kinds of people - Willow and everyone else." He looks at me to see if I understand. Not a chance. He sighs and goes on, his eyes losing focus again. "She was my first friend. My only friend for a long, long time. So I thought that what Will and I had was what friendship was, that everyone had someone like her. God, I had no idea how lucky I was. I probably still don't, really. I started to figure it out when we met Jesse in fifth grade. He was great and all three of us got along really well, but I was never quite as close to him as I was to Will. And I knew she felt the same way. And now with Buffy and Giles it's the same thing. They're the best people I know, that I've ever known, and I love them and all, but they're not Willow. They're in my heart, but she's in my soul." He blushes at that, but I don't know why. I might steal it the next time I write a song. I file it away as he continues. "So the 'everyone else' group is all over the map - people like Buffy and Giles and Cordy, people like Snyder and Angel, people I've never met at all. But Willow is a group all by herself, and if I'm honest she's more important to me than everyone else combined."  
  
That's the most serious speech I've ever heard from Xander. Probably that anyone's ever heard from Xander. No. I'll bet Willow has seen this side of him. Which is pretty much the point, right? Ok, time to lighten the mood a bit. "So Willow stands alone, this is what you're saying?"  
  
He grins, and suddenly he's the same old Xander again. "Yes indeed. Not unlike the Cheese." He thinks for a second. "But she smells better. Usually, anyways." The grin goes away, and he's serious again. "She's everything that's good in me, Oz. Every single thing that's worth a damn inside of me is there because of her. Because she put it there, or because she taught it to me, or because she was the example I tried to live up to. I don't know who I'd be if I'd never met her, but I know I wouldn't like myself very much. Every memory I have, she's a part of. Everything I've been through, she's been with me. Every time I've cried, she's been there to hold me and tell me it's all going to be all right."  
  
He's crying now, just a bit. I expect him to do the macho thing, maybe blush and look away, but he doesn't. He just looks into my eyes for a second, unshed tears making his eyes shimmer.  
  
"She's my Willow. Please don't hurt her." And I think that's really all he's been trying to say all along. I think he realizes it too, because he just turns and walks away, wiping at his eyes.  
  
"Hey." I don't know why I say it, and I don't know what I want to say when he turns around. He just looks at me a second, no expression at all on his face now, and I know what I have to tell him. "She knows how much you care. You'd take a bullet for her too, man. She knows that."  
  
He smiles a bit, a little sad I think, like I just told him one of those truths that never needs to be said. "Oz, I'd put the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger for her." I don't have an answer for that. He turns and walks away again, but not before I see the look in his eyes. Fear. He's afraid, terrified that I'm going to hurt her. He didn't look this scared when the Judge was set to kill us all.  
  
He's willing to die for her. And the thought of me hurting her scares him more than the end of the world.  
  
I'm thinking if that's not love, I don't know what is.  
  
And I'm thinking dating Willow just got a lot more complicated.  
  
But I'm also thinking it'll be worth it.  



End file.
